Before I tell you why I am so sad today, here are two more cards from the new WOJ Spring set.
How cute is this little one with her pot of honey? The paper is from my scrapbox, the ribbon from my stash and the flowers from Wild Orchid Crafts. The lace from my moms sewing box.
The paper for this one is from a local company, but in my 'wisdom' I cut the paper into 6x6 squares when I was tidying my scraproom this weekend and cut the info off. I think its Papercrazee! (Edited to add: Its from a company called Paper Explosion http://paperexplosion.co.za/ ) - any of the local girls? Please help! The little flowers were punched and the pearls in the centre is from Paola.
I haven't been feeling well for a few weeks, but tried to hide it from the family, Every time my breathing becomes difficult, it scares me a little and I get this urge to clean up and throw away everything that I don't need. Crazy and stupid, I know, but I don't want somebody else to clean up my mess if I can't.
Well, today I started cleaning my classroom at school. Purging big time. Threw away worksheets from 1997. Who keeps things that long? As I was going through every piece of paper, and there were lots of it, I found some unexpected treasures. Photo's from the time when I coached Cheerleading and my squad were the National Champions, photo's of My DD Anke and myself, from the time she was at the same school, she was about 9 or 10, and then I found something that made me cry.
Why do you think the funeral letter of my mother's funeral would be in a box at school? Not only the letter, but all the correspondence we had arranging the funeral. The note she left, telling us she wanted us to choose the cheapest casket there was, find out the price for the most expensive and donate the difference to a charity she had been supporting for a long time. The note from her Bible with all her favourite songs and her favourite scriptures.
I also found the eulogy I had written and could not do myself, I asked the minister to read it. All those memories came flooding back (It was 1992) and they were just as painful as they were then. I remember that my dad said, when I asked him whether the pain ever goes away, that he did not know, he thought it would be better after 28 years, but he would let me know. Turns out his mom had been gone 27 years then.
I remember her smell and her ability to hear God's voice. I have always said that if I could have any of my mother's traits, I would choose her ability to hear God and listen to what He says. How desperately I miss her today and every other day. If you still have your mom, treasure her and hug her from me.
I remember how she always knew just what to say, even if it was not what I wanted to hear. I remember her honesty and her courage, her selflessness and her love for all God's people. I remember her creativity, her wonderful stories - I still believe in Fairies because of those stories and the way she loved my father so much that she sent me home with him that last night.
I was determined to spend the night with her, at her bedside and to let my father go home to rest. When he left, she called him back and asked where I was going to sleep. I told her that dad was going to rest and I would stay with her, she actually got quite agressive and insisted that I go home with dad and come back the next morning.
I remember turning around and asking her if she knew that I loved her, she answered that she knew that and she knew something else too. When I asked what, she smiled and quoted the whole 'Jesus loves me'.
Dad and I went home and got a call about an hour later to tell us that she had passed away. For a long time I blamed myself for listening to her and not insisting on staying with her, untill I realised that she loved my dad so much that she would rather die alone than have him be alone when he heard the news.
I am sobbing as I type this, but it is very healing and I thank you for reading this if you made it this far.
Sleep well my friends.